


You Will Always be You

by imayoshis



Category: Naruto
Genre: Fluff, Hokage Hatake Kakashi, M/M, One Shot, Post-Fourth Shinobi War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 18:23:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16000781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imayoshis/pseuds/imayoshis
Summary: [Kakashi Birthday fic]Kakashi is having a long day, and Tenzo comes by to cheer him up.He is almost used to this new life. The honorifics, the title, the bowing, well, that not so much. Everything else in between, he can say for certain he is adjusting. He does not quite have missions anymore and feels bounded to the village against his will, but he found solace in this. At first, he felt trapped, but now, it is comfortable. He never really thought staying inside these walls would keep his emotions in check and his nightmares at bay, but he did not want to complain. He feels relaxed, more so than he ever has before.





	You Will Always be You

The day is a comfortable warm, and the breeze is soft. Perfect weather to Kakashi. He had enough of sitting at his desk in the office, and somehow found himself lying on a grassy hill just by the river that crosses through Konoha. Far enough to feel away from the Hokage building, but also not too far to where if there is an emergency people cannot find him.

He is almost used to this new life. The honorifics, the title, the bowing, well, that not so much. Everything else in between, he can say for certain he is adjusting. He does not quite have missions anymore and feels bounded to the village against his will, but he found solace in this. At first, he felt trapped, but now, it is comfortable. He never really thought staying inside these walls would keep his emotions in check and his nightmares at bay, but he did not want to complain. He feels relaxed, more so than he ever has before.

But today, things were different. His nightmares finally clawed their way through, and they were even more haunting than they were in the past. The war is dead and gone, but it still lives and breathes in his memories. This nightmare took on a new form, one that took all his newest and recent fears and revived them into something of monstrous levels.

Obito, matured and angry, screaming, “You let her die!” still echoes against Kakashi’s skull causing a dull ache that still has not subsided since dusk of the night before. Kakashi knew all his life he couldn’t save Rin, and even when Obito forgave him at the end, those words reverberated in his mind. But, that was not the only thing to plague his nightmares now. The ten tails screeching into the sky that shook him to his core left an impression in his brain, but so did all of the comrades that rose from the dead to fight against their will. The fallen who had to fight their dead loved ones and could not win stained his dreams a deep red that made him feel that he will be swallowed whole at any moment. Madara and Gai fighting, and watching Gai open the eight gates but ten times over because his dreams left all sense and only knew how to torture Kakashi the second he closed his eyes.

The worst nightmares of all though are the ones that parade as a nice dream. The war is over and they won. He can finally collapse to his knees and thank the heavens that the world did not end, but then suddenly he is standing in front of Tsunade as she says that Yamato has been captured. Because truly, that was where his world ended. How could he be so foolish to believe he would have made it out of this war unscathed? To lose no one he loved? It was a cruel reality, and his dreams dragged that into the darkest fantasy imaginable.

Of course, he will wake and he will remember everything is okay. Tenzō was found and he is still alive today. He hated those nights the most, because he cannot leave the village to simply check up on his kohai to confirm that he is not actually dead somewhere. It was nerve wracking on the worst of nights, but there were times where he felt the anxiety slowly gnawing away at him as if he might just die lying in bed while boring holes into the ceiling.

In those quiet and lonely moments, he could tell how his heart yearned to see Tenzō and how his chest tightened when his fears would convince him that he never would. It was unmistakable. The four walls of his room knew the truth more than any living being in this world. He loves Tenzō, and by far, that is the most frightening thing Kakashi experienced. Not war, not death, nothing merely rational. Love. It scared him. It scared him more than anything else.

The dream of Tenzō being gone replays in his head for the umpteenth time today. He stares at the clouds, watching them crawl across the blue sky. Birds chirp to his right and someone throws out a fishing line to his left. The waters are barely a whisper, and sadly, the nature that he hoped would be freeing cannot drown out the noise in his head. His eyes flutter shut, and he stares back at a tired Tenzō whose eyes sunk in and looked as if he would fall to pieces if he even tried to move.

Kakashi remembers this scene very well. It was single handedly the best and worst day of his life. The best because Tenzō - his Tenzō was back and within reach. The worst because he finally found out everything that had happened to his kohai. It shattered his soul and did so over and over again every time he thought about it. His breathing shakes as he continues to recollect the expression on Tenzō’s face.

The smile that barely perked up at the sight of his senpai, but still appeared so genuine nearly crushed Kakashi. How on Earth can this man go through so much hell, but still find a way to smile? Kakashi almost envied Tenzō for always finding a light at the end of the tunnel when there truly was no end. That day haunted him. It only proved he was not there to protect Tenzō when he should have. Just another thing Kakashi did wrong in his life, and the tallies kept going and going as if his mistakes clawed the walls of his heart.

A sound, faint but noticeable to Kakashi, puts him in high alert but he remains lying in the grass with his eyes closed. Years of ANBU is the culprit of his senses to be so heightened even at the most unexpected times. The sound repeats, steady but not quite silent. It reminds him of a heartbeat, but Kakashi knows what he hears before giving a second thought. Footsteps approaching him, and from how light they were, the perpetrator was no civilian.

He listens closer, and his body relaxed slightly when he begins to fully recognize the pattern of the steps. Quiet, even, but confident. Tenzō’s footsteps, and from the sound of it, his kohai was being especially careful. Kakashi can feel his worries seeping away dissolving into the grass and out of him. It has always been a natural reaction for him to let everything go when Tenzō was around. He could never explain it, but Tenzō is and will always be a safe place for him. Maybe that was the part of love that came easy to Kakashi. The bonds they built, the trust they share, and everything in between is possibly the only thing he needs right now.

Tenzō would understand if he admits to his dreams and his fears. Tenzō would understand his nausea at remembering his responsibilities as hokage. Tenzō would understand everything.

“Should you really be napping out here, Hokage-sama?” Playfulness dripped off every word, and the voice was so... so Tenzō. Kakashi did not realize how long it has been since he heard that voice that it nearly sent ripples of memories throughout his body. It made him feel like they were crouched on a tree branch watching daybreak as their ANBU uniforms stuck to their cold bodies all over again. The delicate mornings where the sun kissed the horizon as it rose into the sky. A reminder that they survived another mission and remain alive - together. Those days were long gone, but he grasps onto every pleasant memory he has now. His kohai, in particular, has provided many moments that brought ease to Kakashi’s saddened heart.

“I am awake.” Kakashi forced down the smile that tried so desperately to tug upwards. He perks open his right eye to see chestnut brown hair blocking out the light above them that almost glowed underneath the sun’s golden rays. Tenzō hovered above Kakashi, squatting in the grass just over his head. Kakashi’s eye trailed upward to his kohai‘s face.

A gentle grin spreads across Tenzō’s features while they stare at each other. That was enough to make Kakashi lose out against his will to not smile. It is almost unfair how Tenzō can fill him with so much happiness by barely doing anything at all.

“If you were wondering why I am here, I just wanted to talk to you. It’s not an emergency.” Kakashi blinks at him. An emergency did not even occur to him. Now that he thinks about it, an emergency would be a logical expectation considering Tenzō’s circumstances of watching over Orochimaru. 

Remembering such a small detail usually brought a bitter taste to his mouth. Kakashi loathes the fact that Tenzō volunteered for the task of guarding that villain. Nobody was willing to do it, even Kakashi would never consider it. Tenzō, on the other hand, did not just volunteer because no one else would, he did it because he whole heartedly wanted to. Tenzō wanted to protect people from Orochimaru and prevent what happened to him to ever happen again.

Kakashi spent weeks trying to convince Tenzō otherwise. Someone, anyone else but him. He did not want Tenzō even breathing the same air as Orochimaru that the entire decision aggravated him to no end. Kakashi vowed to protect him, and letting Tenzō walk into the snake den killed him. Naturally, Kakashi lost that argument and the months that have passed have been absolutely dreadful. He wanted his friend back, but he has long accepted this is the reality he lives.

“What did you want to talk about if it’s not an emergency?” A slight jab, but Kakashi still has not let go of Tenzō leaving his side. It is a frustrating position to be in though. He hurts, but he also longed to cherish the few moments they are together.

“I...,” Tenzō pauses with his lips parted. The grin he held before sinks into a frown. “I suppose I have nothing important to talk about then.” As bitter as Kakashi may be, his instincts to want his kohai close won out.

“No, it’s fine. I’m all ears.” Kakashi backtracks awkwardly, not knowing the correct way to take back his comment earlier. It seems his statement saved him, because Tenzō plopped down next to him in the grass.

“I don’t think I really had anything to say.” He looks wistfully out at the river. The sunlight hit Tenzō’s eyes perfectly. Kakashi has seen this view many times before but he always loved the flecks of gold that is only seen when Tenzō’s eyes are illuminated just right. It always reminded him that there is more to see in the world. Hiding in the darkness can shroud his vision of what could be, and that is why Kakashi continues to drag himself out.

“I see.” A lot of words rolled on his tongue but Kakashi could only let himself say those two. Normally, he would let himself just sink into everything that is Tenzō and saying anything that crossed his mind, but now, things were different. The war changed everything and where they are now is not quite on the same level as where they used to be.

He wanted to say, ‘I miss you,’ or ‘I’m glad I can see you.’ Those statements are too heavy though, and possibly were too heavy years ago but Kakashi felt more comfortable to say simple things like that back then. He was a lot more comfortable back then.

“Why are you out here anyway?” Tenzō asked a good question. Kakashi had an answer to that maybe an hour ago, but he is not certain as to why he is still lying on this hill.

“Just a lot on my mind.” The conversation feels strained, and Kakashi is aware that it is his fault. Dancing around everything his kohai says seems to be a real talent of his nowadays.

“Any nightmares recently?” Tenzō lies down and presses his forearm over his eyes. Kakashi watches him breathe out through his nose.

“I didn’t really sleep last night.” Should he confess to everything right here? No, he couldn’t.

“I have a hard time too.” Kakashi almost expected that answer, but he is glad Tenzō understands. It was just like he predicted. Tenzō understood everything.

“Do you think I deserve to be Hokage?” It was a simple question that probably had a simple response, but Kakashi couldn’t stop himself from asking this question. He can probably even predict exactly what Tenzō will say.

“Of course, I do.” Tenzō drops his arm to his side and turns his head to face Kakashi. “Do you think you don’t?”

“You know as well as I do that I have made a lot of mistakes.”

“And you know as well as I do that you have done a lot of good things as well.” Tenzō props himself up on his elbows as he says this. It was like propping himself up justified his statement more, but really it didn’t.

“The bad stuff outweighs the good, Tenzō.” It is a fact, so Kakashi did not understand why Tenzō is so bothered by this.

“I know you take the blame for a lot of stuff, but really, a lot of it isn’t your fault.” Tenzō sits all the way up. Seems lying down might water down whatever he is about to say. “You have gotten better. I know you can’t forgive yourself for everything, but I truly believe you are a better person now.”

Kakashi purses his lips. He wants to argue, but he did not want to at the same time. Tenzō always has the right thing to say just ready to go at any moment. It is almost unsettling as well as being absolutely amazing. Hearing someone tell him that he is better now or that he is a good person was a large pill to swallow, but he loved hearing it. Especially from Tenzō, the notion was pure.

They remain silent for a while, and Kakashi hears the water to the river a bit louder than before. He tries to focus on it as a way to make an attempt to avoid the conversation he started. He wants to agree with Tenzō. He truly did, but he can’t.

“Suppose I agree that I am a better person. I’m not as strong as I used to be. I’m not the ninja I used to be either. When I had the sharingan, I knew I could protect people. I can’t anymore.” He starts plucking at the grass nervously while he tries to explain how he feels. Part of him hoped Tenzō could find another great thing to say, but he always wished Tenzō would just agree with the rest of the universe for once.

“Suppose? You are a better person, and you can still protect people. You have protected people with your eye covered, so you don’t need Obito’s sharingan.” He said this all with a loud huff at the end. It has always been a pet peeve of Tenzō’s when Kakashi talked down about himself. Kakashi couldn’t see it though. He could never see what Tenzō saw in him.

“It’s just hard, Tenzō. I’m... I can’t do a lot of the jutsu I used before. I can’t even use my lightning blade.” At this point, Kakashi just wanted to hear what his kohai would say to this. Surely, this will stump him.

“Kakashi, you’re a genius. You always have been. I know you will find a way around it even if it means making a new jutsu entirely.” Tenzō lies back down next to Kakashi. He miraculously knew what to say, and it left Kakashi in awe.

Kakashi barely noticed that Tenzō did not call him ‘senpai’ or ‘hokage’, and called him by his actual name instead. It was not often when Tenzō would do so, but it was pleasant nonetheless. Hearing Tenzō say his name felt as smooth as warm honey, and he could feel himself nearly melt to the sound. Kakashi could not quite understand why he loves it so much, but if he could try to explain it, it is like a rare treasure similar to that of finding something that went missing. He would never admit this out loud though.

“Why do you still like me when I’m not as strong anymore?” Kakashi actually asked all the questions he wanted answers too, but this final question was more of a stroke of his own ego.

“Do you really think I like you because you were strong?” Tenzō sits back up immediately. This must have fired him right up again. “I like you because you’re you! No one else can be you! You were... the first person to consider me a friend. You were the first person who cared about me. Strength had nothing to do with it.”

Tenzō swings his head away, frustration seeping into his facial expression. Anger just barely boiling over the surface, but a tinge of sadness is clear in his eyes. Kakashi bites the inside of his cheek, cursing himself for asking such a stupid question. He really assumed that Tenzō would immediately tell him how great he is, he did not think it would actually upset him. It made sense now, but now is too late to take it back.

“Oh,” Kakashi is at a loss. His only reasonable way to fix the situation is turn time back about three minutes, but that is not possible.

“I hate that you value your own worth with your abilities as a ninja. I understand why you do it, because I do it too. I think if I never had my mokuton, would I have been a good ninja? I always think probably not, but you were a great ninja always. You graduated and became a chuunin at six years old. I know I did it, but I had the mokuton. You didn’t have the sharingan. You even became a jōnin before you had the sharingan. You have always been great with and without that eye.” Tenzō’s head droops a little and he peaks back at Kakashi. His eyes glistened, and for a moment, Kakashi swore Tenzō was about to cry.

“You say that like you’re not smart. I can’t say how well you would have done without the mokuton, but you have intelligence and confidence going for you. You probably would have been just as great.” Kakashi finally pushes himself up off the grass and into a sitting position. With a closer look, he could tell Tenzō is not going to cry and deduces that it might have just been the sun.

“I don’t want to dwell on it. My point was the fact that I like you for you. I never liked you only for you having the sharingan or because you’re a strong ninja. I will always like you because you’re you.” Tenzō nudges him as if to ease the mood. Kakashi took this incentive to do the same.

“Is that a love confession, Tenzō?” Kakashi snickers, but he is also painfully hiding how happy he is. He did not completely understand how Tenzō can like him for being who he is though. Many don’t like the true Kakashi Hatake, but those people don’t matter right now.

“Senpai!” Tenzō gawks at him for a split second before pushing Kakashi over. “I’m being serious and you completely ruin it.” Kakashi over exaggerates the push and tries to roll down the hill a little.

“So mean!” Kakashi erupts into a laughing fit as Tenzō pouts with a loud ‘hmph’.

“I’m not the mean one here! You were sad. I be nice, and you tease me for it.” Tenzō groans and lightly kicks Kakashi’s foot. “Why must you be you?” He finally cracks a smile, knocking the wind out of Kakashi.

“You said you like me because I’m me. You can’t take it back.” Kakashi is super aware of the silly grin plastered on his face and even if it is covered, Tenzō knows what the facial expression is anyway.

“It’s awful. Why must I like you?” Tenzō chuckles and drops into the grass. Watching this man is pure ecstasy to Kakashi, every single thing he does is too adorable.

“I’m glad you do.” This statement is more serious, of course, his tone would beg to differ because it still sounds like Kakashi is poking fun. Kakashi meant it though. He is truthfully elated by this entire moment.

They both lie in the grass without sharing another word. Kakashi cannot remove his smile at all as he stares at the sky. The clouds inch their way across the entrancing blue and a few birds travel in a V above the two men. The sounds around him pick up again. He could hear civilians walking on the dirt path above the hill and the fisherman from before shouting in excitement for his catch. It almost surprised him how easily he can forget the world even exists when he is with Tenzō. Maybe that’s happiness? Maybe it’s something more?

“Before I forget, Senpai. I wanted to tell you Happy Birthday.”

For a few seconds, Kakashi does not blink. He did not know today’s date, so hearing this reminded him that it is September 15th. He forgot his own birthday. He lets out a small chuckle.

“I must be getting old. I didn’t even remember.” Kakashi’s chuckle turns into laughter.

“Amazing,” and with that, Tenzō joined in. They probably look like old fools laying in the grass laughing, but Kakashi did not care. For right now, he just wants to be happy with Tenzō.

Maybe this is all he really needed today.

**Author's Note:**

> I have been wanting to write something sweet and fluffy for Kakayama cause I have been feeling down lately. I also wanted to do something nice for Kakashi's birthday, so here's a fluffy birthday fic lmao. I need to finish my other works, but oh well lol. Hope you guys enjoy.


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